Life in general is hard to balance. I’m not going to lie, I have a difficult time balancing working full time, teaching yoga, making time to see my hubby with our crazy schedules, and all of the things that I need/want to do in just twenty four short hours. Then life throws things your way that you can’t control. Like someone you love very dearly falling really, really ill.
When it gets overwhelming, or when I stop feeling in control, I shut down and start to feel guilty about doing things for myself. What kind of person am I if I don’t spend all of my free time with someone I will lose shortly. What kind of wife goes to yoga class instead of dinner with her husband?
We justify that it is selfish to prioritize ourselves over the things that demand our attention. What more important service to another am I skipping out on so I can serve only myself. I’ve missed more yoga classes than I’m comfortable admitting because I justified that I would feel better about skipping class than missing an opportunity to see a sick family member.
But I don’t feel better.
And that’s probably because I can’t control who gets sick, or any hurdle thrown my way for that matter. Curve balls are part of life…and the best any of us can do is acknowledge the negative thoughts or situations, and attempt to stay mindful and accepting of it all.
It took a lot of work and self awareness to realize this, but I’m not a bad person because I need to feed my soul, first. You aren’t either.
Because, here’s the thing: you can’t be your best self for someone else if you aren’t your best self to begin with.
My best self needs and loves yoga. I need yoga to remind myself that there is a higher truth and purpose to this life. To remind me that I cannot dwell on the things I cannot control. To remind me that taking the time to be healthy and happy is important.
I also need nature and books and nighttime walks in the rain with my hubby and an hour or so on the couch with my mom and a glass of wine. These are the things that sooth my soul and bring me peace.
The yoga sutras tell us, that while practicing non-attachment to feelings is important, it is also right to find peace and happiness. Because once we find these things, we will naturally share it with the world by example. And finding peace is, ultimately, how any of us will heal or work through those curve balls of life.
I’m giving myself permission to feed my soul. To find peace. To get my butt to yoga…because I NEED it. I’m giving myself permission to do these things because I accept that I cannot control the world around me, but by finding inner peace, I can share it with those around me who are also on this wild ride of life.
So maybe it won’t be yoga…but find your peace, cultivate it, and share it with the world. I give you permission.